Friday, May 18, 2012

On the subject of bingles (not the Lara kind)...

Dear insurance company,

Yesterday, a parked car jumped out behind me and threw itself into my path.
There I was, minding my own business, reversing in the trusty Camry. At a snail’s pace. At dusk. Down an empty street. I was keeping my beady eye out the rear vision mirror for any pesky traffic that might turn up, when suddenly…

I had reversed slowly into a parked car. A suicidal Hyundai i30 LEAPT out from where it was parallel parked at the kerb, driverless, and THREW ITSELF at my rear bumper.

I clearly wasn't paying enough attention I swear, I tried to dodge it but it was DETERMINED to have a bingle with me. I suspect an insurance job, personally.
Yes, I’ve had my full license for two years (just). Yes, I’m almost 44. What’s it to ya?

No I haven’t taken any hallucinogenic drugs in the last 12 hours. God knows I’ve been tempted to reach for the Valium every minute of every hour occasionally this week but no.
Were there any contributing weather conditions? Yes - emotional weather of exhaustion and stress. No.

How would I describe the damage?

Frigging annoying.
Here’s my left rear bumper.

Here’s the suicidal Hyundai’s other car's bumper.

Can I put what happened in my own words? Only if you fancy having to go to counselling for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder afterwards.
Here’s my son's an artist’s impression of it though.

No, I'm not the artist.
Yes I know he's drawn himself in the driver’s seat.

No he doesn’t have a license. He’s 7.
Why, would it help if I said he was driving?

Then no.

I suspect the random numbers of wheels on the cars involved might have been a contributing factor.

I did try to dodge. Really.
Have you ever had a bingle? Was it your fault?


My five awesome things about this week after losing my shit:
  • My son learned to spell 25 words this week
  • My son told me likes hanging out with me
  • I got to talk about alfalfa hair to people in the training I was facilitating today
  • The term “snazbig” is catching on (OK so that one is a snazbig lie)
  • It ended.
Now go check out SaturdayMorningOgreMum for more Lose Your Shit Friday goodness:


  1. Hyandais can do no wrong...just saying bc we have 2 and no, we were not in Melb y'day but my 2 cars have been talking about this attack on their sister and feel you need to step up and take ownership of the attack on the Hyundai and seek counselling for your denial

    1. No Sue this Hyundai needs serious counselling for its self-harm urges. Anyone know the Lifeline number for cars?
      (Oh dear please forgive us for making light of a serious issue!)
      I'm going to hell.

    2. all hyundais and their pets go to heaven, its in the bill of sale

  2. Yes I have! - and as recently as early Nov 2009! It was northern NSW. We were leaving the radical faerie 'Glitter Ball' and it was around 3.00 am. I decided to drive the hire car back to 'faerieland' about 20ks away from Jiggi hall(about 20 ks from Lismore northern NSW). I was following another car, we both had traveled about 3 miles when a all-mighty torrential tropical down-pour storm cell burst upon us slowing us down to about 40 ks per hour, the wipers were on full bore and it was teaming white water rain. The car in front failed to take the S bend and went down a 50 foot embankment, through a barbed wire fence and landed in a swampy cow paddock, and I followed suite ( I was following his tail lights due to the insane manic downpour) with my partner next to me screaming and I mean SCREAMING!! his head off, he really thought he was going to die, I however could see a medium pine tree looming and some massive rocks which we missed by inches and tumbled down and landed next to the lead car.

    The lead car had barbed wire wrapped all around it, we however suffered no damages, me as driver - only a bruised ego, but my partner was a total utter wreck. The two chaps in the other car, one was naked (it was a radical faerie glitter ball afterall!) the other in drag were ashen faces and stunned/shocked and quivering heaps. My (now former) partner did his block, exploding in expletives and ranting raving (like I meant to do this!). We were soon rescued by other party leavers and as there was nothing that could be done till morning we were driven back to the hall. I found the most cutest local farmer in christendom the next day who used his tractor to haul out our car, and we drove on a our merry way. There was over $8,000 damage to the hire car - and I did ask my partner to get the extra collision insurance as he went up to Byron a couple of days before me as I had to stay at home as my final legal exams were upon me to study, this he failed to do - and it was hired in his name! Oh dear, after that little scary drive down the embankment, this 'car accident' rendered our relationship asunder - it really did and I had to keep my head as there was looming exams for me to deal with at that time of upset and drama. I did not pay for the damage, my partner was sued in the QCAT courts, but by then it was so over and he did not want me to pay, would not let me pay.

    This is but one car accident of 3 car accidents I have been in, the other two was with the same guy - twice in the late '80's - and he also was the driver both times. One of those accidents put me in hospital for a week with a badly bruised spleen, but they are other story! End. Shane Morrissey.

  3. Oh good lord Shanel LOL
    YOU should blog.
    You have some snazbig stories to tell.

  4. LMAO Michaela! Damn them suicidal vehicles! Seriously their drivers should be made to sit in them the whole time they are parked! Just in case they decide to go jumping in front of innocent snail drivers concentrating really hard!

    I'd lose my shit about that too if it were me!!


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