Monday, October 8, 2012

A chat with a blogging conference virgin (AKA my niche is swearing, what’s yours?)

Frog:   “Hey there. Sweary grumpy frog here. How the fuck are ya?”

BCV*:  “Mmm phmmmhhh.”

Frog:   “What was that?”

BCV:   “I’m shitting myself because Problogger is only 4 days away.”

Frog:   “You’re right! Excuse me while I do a little froggy happy dance.”

Pause while frog dances.

BCV:   “That’s a nice dance. You’re being a bit insensitive though.”

Frog:   “Oh. So is this your first blogging conference?”

BCV:   “Yes. I’m not sure what to expect, or even if I should be there”

Frog:   “Relax. You’ll be fine. Bloggers – including the Blogerati – are normal, nice people.”

BCV raises an eyebrow.

Frog:   “OK normal might be overstating it. Bloggers are all rational sane oh who am I kidding friendly welcoming oh fuckety. Bloggers are PEOPLE. And frogs. And as people (and frogs), bloggers cover a broad spectrum of… well… everything.

           Lots of bloggers will be just like you. Wondering how many changes of underwear they’re going to need while gathering up the courage to go say a squealy querulous hello to Mrs Woog, Eden or Kerri Sackville.

           My advice – and this covers life in general, not just blogging conferences - just jump the hell in.”

BCV:    “But so many things could go wrong!”

Frog:   “This was me before my first blogging conference:"

           "And I did OK. Even though I’m the frog that broke her ankle the morning after, outside the hotel, in a city far from home. I was half of the scary pair that brought you spoon porn. You’re welcome.

           My blog is about bodily functions (repeatedly), fame, stupidity, sarcasm, dungeons, spelling mistakes, homicidal marine creatures, nasal beauty, world peace and painful breakups.

           So basically, totally silly bullshit nothing and everything. Looking for common themes, I think my niche might be swearing.”

Frog makes a note of her niche.

BCV:    “But I’m not a pro. I’m not sure I’ll fit in.”

Frog:   “I’ve not made a single dollar from my blog. I have less than 400 Twitter followers. Less than 300 unique visitors to my blog each month. And I’m going to Problogger 2012 with my froggy head held high, because I know I belong there. Because I’m a blogger.

           Although, I am feeling a bit low now that I’ve looked at my stats.”

BCV and Frog share a moment to mourn the state of their stats.
Frog:    "Feel better now?"

BCV:    “Yes thanks.”

Frog:    “Everything will be fine because nobody expects anything of you (except  you). That’s called freedom.”
BCV:   “You know, you’re right!”

Frog:   “Fake it till you make it, baby. See you at #pbevent. I’ll be the one trying not to break any bones.”

Do you expect too much of yourself?**

*BCV = Blogging Conference Virgin

**Yes? Stop it right now or there will be consequences.

PS If you can’t attend the Problogger Training Event 2012, you can get access to recordings of all the sessions by clicking here to purchase a virtual ticket…



  1. lol ill be like this next year for the digital parents one.

    1. You'll have a great time - good luck :-)

  2. NEVER! I may not make a cent out of my blog, but I'm taking over the blogging world, baby. Or will do. One day. When I get the poker out of my arse and actually write some decent content.

    I used to expect to much of myself but when it comes to Problogger I figure we're all there to learn and if I don't learn anything, THEN I'll wonder what the fuck I'm doing there.

  3. Your blog rocks! Quite frankly its better than some of the very popular ones. Stats aint everything. (At least that's what I'm telling my sad BCV self).
    All the best of luck.

  4. This made me laugh so much. Looking forward to losing my virginity :-)

    1. Thanks darling. I'll be there holding your hand.

      OK that sounds wrong.

      I'll be right beside you.

      Nope, still wrong.

      See you Friday!