Sunday, February 24, 2013

Please do not poke my subconscious with a stick - the top 9 things that shit me


Appropriate image from here.

What shit really pisses you off?

Are there things that people do, say, situations that press your buttons?

There are strong, ingrained detestations that creep up on me. I'm regularly surprised, because I forget they’re there. Which is pretty dumb because how can someone forget about the shit that really shits you? That shit is crazy.

Here are the Top Ten Nine* Things That Give Me The Major Shittings. Enjoy. 

  1. Pee on the toilet seat. You know what I’m talking about. That is unpleasant shit.
  2. Stale bread. My definition of stale is “was not baked today”. Yes I am a bread Nazi. I confess. Stale bread might as well be shit.
  3. Slamming doors. My child does this every ten seconds and it’s giving me a serious case of the screaming shits.
  4. Intolerance**. Except of stale bread, slamming doors and sitting in someone else’s pee. You have a free intolerance pass for those. It is TOTALLY OK to be a bigoted right-wing extremist all over THAT shit.
  5. Being told what I can or can’t do. For my psyche, this is like stomping up to a deep, dark spider hole, poking a great big fuck-off stick into the hole a few times and shouting:

    “HELLOOOOOO! ARE YOU IN THERE???!!!! COME OUT AND BITE ME YOU WEAK FUCKER!”


    The likely ending to this scenario is you staggering off screaming into the distance with a huge hairy arachnid wrapped around your face trying to sink its fangs into your brain through whichever eye socket is most handy.
  6. Cliques***. I see them every-fucking-where, even in groups that profess to be against cliques. Let’s try to be accepting of people and how crazy they all are. Our own brand of crazy shit doesn’t make us better than those people over there with a different brand of crazy shit. It’s all crazy shit, and in the end none of us get out alive, whatever brand of shit we subscribe to. Let’s just get over cliquey shit and move on.
  7. Media indoctrination of bullshit gender stereotypes that entrench the “women are all busy mums rolling their eyes at their incompetent husbands” attitude. We couldn’t present that scenario with the genders reversed so why do we do it? Men, don't put up with that shit.
  8. Persistent hot days with warm nights that sap my energy and make intelligent (cough) blog writing impossible. They shit me because I have to resort to lame whiney-arse Top Ten Nine lists that nobody cares about.
  9. Pointless Top Ten Nine lists of crap nobody cares about, because they’re shit.

What’s on your top ten nine list of shittingest things?

* I'm as amazed as you are that there are currently only nine. I'm sure it won't last.
** See also: Cliques
*** See also: Intolerance

28 comments:

  1. All of those things piss me the fuck off too. Also being tapped. Don't touch me fucker. Paul does it all the time even though he can see it puts my teeth on edge and I have yelled at him and then sat in my room crying about it. The man is obviously stupid and just likes to play with fire.

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  2. Yes to them all plus many many more:)

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  3. this bloody site that will only let me sign in as anonymous

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    Replies
    1. Not sure why that is! Thanks for reading anyway! x

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  4. touching my neck … yep, romantic! xt

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  5. the sucker that discards the finished toilet roll on the floor
    the dog that always beats me to finding the toilet roll on the floor
    the yucky toilet roll I find all over the carpet after the dog has worked his magic on it
    the toilet roll that doesnt roll down in a public toilet (what in a name anyway...but it does say roll does it not )
    my life as a traveling circus without tent
    2 ply toilet paper, I mean seriously !

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  6. Cliques. Cliques. Cliques. That is all.

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  7. 1.Ignorant people.
    2.House mates who eat my food.
    3.People who are cruel to animals.

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  8. As a mother of 3 boys, I'm so with you on the pee on the toilet seat. Oneday I'm going to pee all over it and make them sit on it. How hard how could it be to lift it, anyway? And also it's not slamming doors here, it's leaving them wide open, so flies come in GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

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  9. People who claim to be Churchgoers during the weekend, and spend the rest of the week slagging off all and sundry, especially those who are "different" from THEIR little "clique". The Frog knows who and what I mean, too (always has). When are you going to do the actual wet loo seat rant, Froggy?*lol*

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    1. Yes I did that rant - will send it to you mum :-)

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  10. Yep, all of those, especially the stale bread, and it goes straight in the fridge here in Qld cos it smells yeasty even after a few hours. Yuck.

    My pet hate is women who say "my idea of porn is him doing the housework." Well, mine isn't. My idea of porn would not make an acceptable comment. You get brownie points for doing housework, and I might love you fraternally - but - and this is a big clue - I do not want to shag my brothers.

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    1. That's your actual mum's comment right above mine. Says she eventually. Hell's teeth.

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  11. Being told what to fucking do.

    I'm old man, stop fucking telling me and just let me be me!

    Fuck!

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  12. Carpet cleaner that only sprays when vertical. My carpets on the floors!!!

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    1. OMG. That is so dumb. I'd hate that too. (I have no carpets). xx

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  13. Poo left in the toilet - or worse, ON the toilet. Not having a dishwasher. People using MY towel!

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    1. ON the toilet?! OMG Bronnie you poor thing!!! xxx

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