PT Barnum is an arsehole

Afro Possum created from here and here.

Na na nananana na naaa naaa… na na nananana na naaa naaa…
Possum Circus… Possum Circus… nanana nanana Possum Circus!

Those of you who’ve read my blog before will know how interested I am in creatures.

Over here I warned you about homicidal starfish and I shed a tear for lovelorn deep sea invertebrates.

Then over here I introduced you to some tragically crack-addicted Tarsiers.

I believe I may have talked about horse shit too.

This post is about another animal. PT Barnum.

Frankly, PT Barnum is an arsehole.



One of PT Barnum’s long-lost relatives,
from the non-performing side of the family.
Photo, strangely, from a UK site here.



Yes, the P in PT Barnum stands for possum. We know it’s him because we’ve caught him on the roof of our back veranda, about to leap into the trees in our back yard*. For a total arsehole, he’s pretty cute.

Late every night the Possum Circus** wakes up and goes tumbling, leaping, swinging and generally stomping around in hobnail boots in our roof space. Waking us all up.

Then Possum T Barnum comes back home, scratching and thumping, doing the lasso move and singing “Heeeeyyyyy sexy lady” at around 5am. Waking us all up.

Holy shit, he is craptacularly LOUD for such a small critter.

We could call someone to catch and remove him, but they’re apparently only allowed to move possums (even circus ones) 50 metres from where they live.

Erm. I reckon PT might be able to work out how to get home.

We could get someone out to patch the holes where he’s getting in. WE can’t do it because FUCKPANTS our roof is high off the ground on one side. The problem with this option is – what if we trap PT Barnum inside our roof space? He’ll be left die of dehydration, Gangnam Style, leaving a hideous mouldy dead circus possum stink behind.

Neither of these options works for us.

So I’m throwing myself (and PT Barnum) on your mercy.

How do you evict a possum circus from your roof space permanently and humanely?

 

*Good luck doing this move after yesterday PT, when R cut down the closest branches to the house. Sucker!

**We think it’s actually just one possum - PT Barnum. Not sure how he manages to make so much noise, even with those hobnail boots. What’s he doing up there? Possum Circus Gangnam Style?

***I wish I knew what bastard was selling hobnail boots to small territorial marsupials. I’d buy a pair of their boots, shove them on the nearest possum and pop it in THEIR roof space. Selfish arsehats.