Harassment, possum-style

Dear PT Barnum,

This letter is in response to your unjustified legal action accusing my clients of harassment. Our clients (Frog and Partner) were within their rights when pointing a massive halogen lamp and camera at their own roof line at11pm on the night in question. My clients were not expecting to impact on your quiet enjoyment of the property as required under the Residential Tenancies Act.

My clients were surprised when you appeared, and any filming of you on was accidental.

My clients strenuously reject your assertion that they were running along in the dark, giggling, bumping into each other and hissing “ssshhhhh!!!!”. They were, in fact, checking that the back yard clear of obstacles, ready for the high-speed Christmas Day BBQ-to-back-door turkey-transfer.

They also reject without reservation your statement that they were “standing in their pyjamas at 11pm, on the street, hiding behind a shrub”. My clients state that they heard a noise and when they investigated,found you standing on their roof.

You state that you were standing “silhouetted against the night sky, at the helm of the ship, like a majestic marsupial figurehead,surveying your territory”.

My clients challenge this and say you were standing on the apex of their roof “looking to get your furry arse into trouble, probably with a (sexy) lady possum”.

In your legal action you state that while you were exiting the property, my clients stood laughing and waving a torch at you. My clients respectfully respond that they were assisting you in your tightrope manoeuvre across the electricity wires by shining the torch so you could see where you were going.

The noises you heard were noises of concern for your welfare, as you repeatedly and unsuccessfully tried to swing upside down, holding on by your back feet. My clients held these sounds in to a muffled snort to avoid waking their neighbours.

 Possum Gangnam-style. Abused image from here.

Given your recent history of noise disturbance, Gangnam-style dancing in hobnail boots,and dangerous circus tricks, my clients feel that they have no choice but to issue you with a notice to vacate their property within 30 days. They will provide you with alternative accommodation*, as prescribed by your lease.

Please sign the attached agreement and pop it through the manhole in the ceiling when you wake up ready to go dancing in your hobnail boots at 11pm tonight.

Yours sincerely,

D’oh and Scheisse

Lawyers to the Lily Pad