Sunday, August 26, 2012

How Twitter created an emotionally available car as candidate for Prime Minister

Language is a funny thing.

Don’t believe me?

Did you know that “To Guide” translates to “Rectum” in Latin? I didn’t know either until I was looking for a wanky Latin name for my training business.

Rectum Consulting; training everyone, one arsehole at a time.

Technology has made language even funnier.

I'm very prone to typing issyoooos. 

For example, “doe snot” really doesn’t belong in a letter to a client. (Depending on the client).

I wasn’t the only one who typed that, because these days Word helpfully autocorrects this to “does not”.

Thank dog there are no more letters containing this example of ruminant sinus infection escaping the world of word processing. Not by accident, anyway.

The lesson? Don’t ever, ever trust your spell checker.

It’ll let you invent a whole new type of superannuation fund, given half a chance. Just ask a fellow trainer who was victim of this very behaviour in a PowerPoint slide.

I don’t think I want to know the type of growth Pubic Sector Funds have had over the last ten years.


Instant messaging brings its own dangers. Like the day I typed “rubs his hands” because the person I was messaging said they were cold.

Except that the internetz stole the h and cruelly switched the order of the n and a.

“Rubs his nads” took that relationship to hysterical embarrassment a WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

Twitter has created some new words of its own.

Ah Twitter. I remember tweeting “I dream of suck a day”.


Snazbig, which should have been amazing. I think snazbig IS amazing and have been using it regularly. I encourage you to join me.

It’s also given me words like Fuckpants. That’s an awesome word. Always to be used as an expletive. Never a noun. Never. Ever. Ewww.

Last but not least is a wonderful example of autocorrect creating an entirely new direction of conversation THAT MAY CHANGE THE WORLD.

Mrs Woog had written about how devastated she was that her car was on its last legs. I told her she would learn to love again, but autocorrect on my phone changed it to learn to love Shaun again.

This took us on a lovely random wander through how great Shaun was, and how he would heal Mrs Woog’s emotional wounds. I said that Shaun should be Prime Minister.

Someone who follows Woogsy then chimed in asking who this Shaun guy was, and would he be better at it than the current people in charge of the government?

Thank you, Twitter and bad typing, for giving us the opportunity to CREATE AN EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE  CAR THAT SHOULD BE PRIME MINISTER.

Fuckpants, I dream of suck a snazbig day!

What funny typos have you seen?


  1. Then there was the dog called Henry Rollins! I do love a good typo, especially if it involves nads!

    1. I can't believe I forgot about that one! That was awesome. Henry my nonexistent dog says woof! Feel free to rub his nads xx

  2. Damned spellcheck. I'm shortsighted and wear contacts (HATE myself in glasses) but my eyesight for reading is fine. So with my contacts I struggle. By the end of the day I basically have to ask someone to hold my iPhone and run 50m away for me to read it.

    Instead I sit on the train and play on Twitter and the like and type witty responses and tweets - only to get home and take my contacts out (or use my desktop which has bigger font) and realise that most of what I'd said didn't make any sense because of all of the typos and spell-check corrections. Faarck!

    However, I say: Vote 1 - Shaun for PM!


    1. Haha! Priceless. Someone grabs your phone and runs away? No worries, they're helping you read something... Sure they are... ;-)

  3. Oh my lordy I know what you mean! Auto correct gets me every time on instagram!

    1. And we never see it till it's published!

  4. One of the best things a spell-checker did was to change the word "cunt" to "aunt". It led to quite a few bloggers I know calling people they didn't like "aunts". Changing it to "aunt" takes the edge off it, don't you think?

    1. Oh MY DOG that is AWESOME. In fact it's SNAZBIG! Totally gonna steal it... (if that's OK)

    2. Steal away. The idea actually originated in an episode of Curb My Enthusiasm.

  5. I am dyslexic so I have a complicated relationship with spell check. A few weeks back I blogged about the time I posed nude for a life art class and when setting the scene wrote 'bushes were washed' rather than 'brushes were washed'... At least my readers got a good laugh out of it!

    1. LOL! Love it. Reminds me of a blooper from 80's US sports program where they were talking about a baseball pitcher, and how fast he could throw. One said that he could throw a ball through a car wash and it wouldn't get wet. The other replied then this guy must have the cleanest balls in the league. Erm... LOL

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