Friday, March 29, 2013


This post has been sponsored by Giftsy, a web site that specialises in wedding, Christening and craft supplies. They have kindly offered me three $50 gift vouchers to give away on my blog. Since I'm divorced and NEVER HAVING ANY MORE CHILDREN EVER I thought immediately of you, my lovely readers. So I'm running a competition and also listing it on Win Free Stuff.

Wedding stuff...

Christening stuff...

Craft stuff...

Wedding stuff...

Cute stuff...

Christening stuff...


Yes that's what went through my brain as I cruised through Giftsy's website. 

To put this in perspective, I strained my left shoulder in bed this morning.

No, it wasn't doing anything fun.

I was just lying there, and I moved my arm. Stupid, stupid me.

So as I sit here typing away in a cloud of Fisiocreme fumes, I'm again reminded that I'm of an age when people injure themselves while barely moving, and break their ankles walking down the street. Oh, am I STILL the only one who does that? Rightyo then.

I'm at an age when I don't get invited to weddings or Christenings anymore.

Instead, people my age are having weddings for their kids, and becoming grandparents.

I do get invited to a Divorce Parties though. Those rock, mainly because ALCOHOL they allow people to get very drunk with other divorced people celebrate their freedom.

So I wasn't really sure if what Giftsy has to offer was really for me until I saw BLACK CUPCAKE WRAPPERS WITH SPIDER WEBS ON THEM:

ERMAGHERD. Halloween cupcakes anyone?
Buy them here.
The aging Goth in me rejoiced and did a little Goth-appropriate, no-smiling jig. Picture these with purple cupcakes nestled in them. O. M. G. 

Giftsy have all you'll need if you're getting married, or sorting out a wedding for your kid, or having a kid (DOG HELP YOU) or your kids are having kids (DOG HELP THEM).

They also have an amazing array of cupcake wrappers, gorgeous fabric gift bags, and lots of other very pretty stuff. 


Giftsy have given me $150 in gift vouchers to give away to my readers. So I'm giving away three worth $50 each. 

That would buy 156.25 BLACK CUPCAKE WRAPPERS WITH SPIDER WEBS ON THEM. I'm not sure what you'd do with a quarter of a cupcake wrapper but you're a creative bunch, I'm sure you'll work it out. 

To win one of these vouchers, comment below with your funniest/weirdest wedding, Christening or Divorce Party story. The funniest three (as judged by The Frog) will win a voucher.

So get commenting! Entries close 8pm AEST Friday 5 April 2013.


While we're on the subject, Giftsy, any chance you could broaden your product range to Divorce Party supplies? They're all the rage right now.

Hi everyone. The competition is now closed. Thanks everyone who commented - there were some crackers in there!

I'm happy to announce that the winners of the three vouchers (in no particular order) are:

  • Skyemberr
  • Oculus Mundi
  • Debyl1

Ladies, I'll be in touch shortly to organise your vouchers.

Congratulations and thanks again for playing along!


  1. I have never been to a divorce party or a christening, probably because my friends think God will send a lightning bolt to kill me if I enter a church for a christening.

    I have been to a couple of outdoor weddings though, and a bachelorette party. At the Bachelorette party, the maid of honor ended up passed out naked across her bed, with the male stripper who'd been hired to tease the bride,but instead had been luring a woman at a time into the bathroom for some fun. This was pre viagra, so I am not sure how this guy managed this.
    I was leaving the house in the early morning hours when I saw the maid of honor passed out. As I left, her husband was coming in through the front door. By the time I got to my car, the stripper was running out the front door while trying to get on his pants, and items were flying out of the second story bedroom window. I never found out what happened to that marriage. Luckily, the bride, who never touched the stripper went on to have a lovely wedding and they've been married for about twenty years now!

    1. Skye that's HILARIOUS!!!! Wow. Just. Wow. LOL xx

    2. I recall spending most of my time there trying to get the guests stoned, or to get them to drink a shot of tequila. Most of them wouldn't try it but at least five went in to visit the stripper in the bathroom. The early 20s are a strange time!

  2. I don't usually get invited to Christenings. I think we both know why. Never been to a divorce party, though I did help my friend buy a great big dog Wif Teef Like Dis and set up an alarm system when she split up from The Road Virus (a nod to Stephen King, had not long read that story when their separation was underway).

    And believe it or not, aside from getting drunk and trying to shag the groomsmen in closets at weddings (Which everyone does, right? Right?) I am generally reasonably well behaved. Plus, the ability to drink everyone else, up to and including merchant seamen, under the table means that by the time I do anything really silly everyone else is paraplegic and upside down in a corner somewhere and my antics are generally the least of their worries at that point.

    However, my own wedding was kind of fun. We got married in Vegas, baby. We were living in So Cal at the time so made a road trip with our friend Bart (who was our witness and insisted on being called our fairy godfather) and sang Abba songs all the way through the desert. Bart also insisted we stop at a place called Bun Boys and had his photo taken there under the sign, arms akimbo. At this point I still thought buns were something bakers made and did not realise to what he was alluding. More innocent times ;)

    We drank a fair bit (ahaha!) the night before the wedding, but dh and I did eventually go to bed, whereas Bart just kept going and turned up the next afternoon glassy eyed and swaying slightly. However, at least he didn't wear the bumless chaps and cowboy hat he had been threatening, instead looking quite respectable in a sport coat and trousers.

    Bart did however make a directing such merry quips as "You can still change your mind! It's not too late to run!" to the dh to be, every time the limo stopped at the traffic lights on the long, long way up the Strip. There are a lot of lights on the Strip.

    Ginger had set it all up for me, a few weeks prior to this, by phone. I never got to meet her, but she had the kind of laugh associated with ex strippers turned grannies who might just throw caution to the wind at your birthday party and give the boys a treat, for old times sake.

    The wedding was conducted in a sensible fashion, no Elvis or diamantes in sight, but the slightly strained look on dh to be's face at certain crucial points of the ceremony was explained to me later. Turns out Bart had been, standing behind me and out of my eyeshot, shaking his head slightly and mouthing no, no at particular points in the ceremony. Friends, eh, I sure know how to pick 'em.

    The worst part was returning home. After the wedding and a quick sojourn to the honeymoon suite (just Bruce and I, obviously) the three of us drank ourselves into a horrific state of debauchery.

    Flashbacks of the return journey include sitting shaky and nauseous at Bun Boys, sipping coca cola in a desperate - and failed - attempt to keep my stomach down. Bart lying with his head on the table making faint whining noises. And dh still managing to look quite put together and cheerful, humming to himself as he drove our wrecked and mangled carcasses home. My new husband of 24 hours, already a smug bastard :)

    Was this what you had in mind? You can always count on me to be classy.

    1. Remind me not to go on holiday with you (without bail money, anyway). That's a great wedding story. Scary, but great! xx

    2. Hahaha, and keep it in your sock or underwear. Pro tip.

  3. Make a point of directing. I swear that was there when I typed it! Fricking fingers are faster than my fricking brain. Well, then again...

  4. My first wedding,unlike my small second wedding on the beach,was full on with the white dress,the veil and the beautiful big church filled with a hundred of our friends and family.
    As the ceremony went on sooo long I was grateful when it came time for us to kneel down facing the alter.
    All of a sudden the whole church FULL of people started to laugh louder and louder non stop.
    I looked at my bridesmaids and they were as puzzled as me.
    I looked at the groomsmen and could see that they were crying from laughter and giggling like little school girls as they pointed to my husbands feet.
    There in big white letters was the word HELP !!
    They had written in paint on the soles of his shoes.....
    HE on the left foot and LP on the right!!
    There we were kneeling lovingly beside eachother with HELP written on the bottom of his shoes for the whole church to see.
    They could not contain themselves.
    Even the Minister burst out laughing when we showed him as he had to stop the ceremony for a short time due to everyone needing to compose themselves!
    I had to laugh as never before had I been to a church wedding where, instead of a few tears over the beautiful ceremony,there were many tears from great laughter.

    1. Oh Deb that's priceless!!! I love it! xx

  5. I went to a wedding a while back where the bride wore black. It wasn't a cultural decision, but rather the bride wanting to appear slim - truly her reasoning. I'm sorry to say it did not work for the poor love. The elderly 'Aunts' were shocked beyond belief & people kept asking her who had died. This was one wedding I most definitely shove in the weird pile.


    1. Hi Mary. Very interesting! I wore red and black to mine, but not because I thought it was slimming ;-) Mine was a cultural decision. If goth is a culture. ;-) xx

  6. I was married at 9am on a hot October morning in the Botanical Gardens. It was a beautiful day and we had a quiet, calm and attended by only our closest friends and family.
    My stepmother arrived in a flurry of chaos, stayed for a few minutes and made a hasty retreat after almost throwing our gift at me. I couldn't figure it out. Maybe the presence of my mother... or my father (her then ex) was distressing? Meh.
    My 14 year old brother was giving me away and when the celebrant asked, he looked at me and grinned before looking at my husband and back to me again. Suddenly he sighed and then shrugged before starting on a round of eenie meenie mini mo... before finally shrugging again and saying a loud, "I GUESS SO!"
    Everyone was snapping away with their cameras whilst my dad videoed the event. My husband insisted on more posed photos closer to the edge of the lake. All good, although I did wonder if the guests feared he was going to push me in or something as they were very reluctant to follow too close behind us!
    No one said anything otherwise and the rest of the morning went smoothly...
    It wasn't until the photos were all developed and I was assembling our album that I noticed what *may* have upset so many of our guests... at least 3 freshwater crocodiles feature in almost all our "backdrops".
    Mind you, that could have been an omen now that we've been divorced for 17 years... :P

    1. Love it! Damn those wedding gatecrashers LOL

  7. I was invited to an orthodox Greek wedding by a girl I worked with. There was 1 table of aussies from work (us) & the other 500 million people were Greek family/friends. They put us right down the back near the kitchen door, I think in the hope that nobody would notice us behaving cheering the waitress on when she came out with more food...trying to slyly swap the $50 notes pinned to the bride with a $5 instead (they got soooo much money we figured a few $$$ wouldn't be missed)& finally ending up by having a small but noisy food fight with the sugared almonds - man those fuckers hurt if they hit you in the head.
    Only other wedding I've been too I was bridesmaid...& that requires a whole other comment...& possibly a bottle of wine.

    1. I'm fascinated... one day we'll have that wine and I'll get that story out of you!!


  8. Oh divorce parties. They sound like debauchery previously only experienced at university. Hope your arm is feeling better. Would a serving of crumpet help ease your pain?

    1. Thank you, I'm doing much better. Yes. Please send crumpets with butter and honey. Much obliged ;-)