tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23513624010510984522024-03-14T13:00:47.991+11:00Five Frogs on a BlogGently Mental - a craptacular memoir of conversations with my brain. Now permeate free. Available for freelance writing and speaking paid type gig thingies.
FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.comBlogger110125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-11240117220190045162013-10-09T10:19:00.001+11:002013-10-09T10:21:04.167+11:00We're moving lily pads!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_wnCAvBe13Q/UlSRvNfG4dI/AAAAAAAAA5I/OGjUotiQecA/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_wnCAvBe13Q/UlSRvNfG4dI/AAAAAAAAA5I/OGjUotiQecA/s400/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Gird your amphibian loins, Frog-Lovers. On Friday the gorgeous <a href="http://www.kellyexeter.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Kelly Exeter</b></a> is moving the lily pad across from Blogger to Wordpress and onto <a href="http://ozbloghosting.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>OzBlog Hosting</b></a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Kelly is all shades of awesome and not only has mad technical skillz, but gives excellent hugs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In the meantime, I had another natter about superannuation over <a href="http://gaynoralder.com/2013/10/07/holy-crap-i-dont-have-enough-in-my-super-now-what/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a>. Please go have a read. Your 65-year-old self might thank you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'll leave you now with this, until Friday. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6e2x0gcZgm0/UlSRywwES4I/AAAAAAAAA5M/ckP0nBklKmY/s1600/Complisult.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="280" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6e2x0gcZgm0/UlSRywwES4I/AAAAAAAAA5M/ckP0nBklKmY/s400/Complisult.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Have you ever been complisulted?</b></span></span></div>
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FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-51368043333427535122013-10-02T17:29:00.000+10:002013-10-02T17:29:23.094+10:00It's almost Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Ju1QYLpX_E/UkvKKsBujLI/AAAAAAAAA4w/g-py5NfcAO4/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4Ju1QYLpX_E/UkvKKsBujLI/AAAAAAAAA4w/g-py5NfcAO4/s400/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Hello my lovelies.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Welcome to October!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Next stop: Christmas! Ha ha! (Kill me). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Before you murder me in a pre-Christmas, where-has-the-year-gone homicidal rage, here are some wise, wise, hilarious, wise words from the wonderfully wise and hilarious Tim Minchin.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Take care of yourselves and see you around the pond, Frog-Lovers.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-47222761808114137652013-09-25T15:29:00.000+10:002013-09-25T16:03:42.284+10:00Inspirational as Fuck<div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-hnIgcWHXM4w/UkJ8uOzxxkI/AAAAAAAAA4Y/an3jDE5H_nU/I/photo_326677.jpg" border="0" class="bloggoimg"></div><div><br></div><div>Well, here I am at Perth airport, whiling away 5 hours waiting for my flight home. Wow, Perth airport is only slightly better than Hobart airport. Unless you like 12 hour-old fridge sandwiches and fried shit accompanied with so much grease that you could practice your backstroke across the terminal floor in it.</div><div><br></div><div>There are, however, that most rare and precious of commodities at any airport - POWERPOINTS. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm plugged into one now as I type this on my tiny iPhone keyboard, wishing I'd brought the laptop, cursing my stupidity.</div><div>Then I remember that my laptop went to computer heaven a few months back anyway.</div><div><br></div><div>So here I am, at Perth airport, typing away with my stylus on a tiny screen, covered in a thin layer of chip grease. I'm making the most of things. Staying positive. These five hours give me time to get some stuff done. </div><div><br></div><div>In the last two weeks I've come in contact with a lot of very positive people. I like positive people; but I don't like the people who are endlessly cheery and energetic. </div><div><br></div><div>You know the types I mean. </div><div><br></div><div>YES I AM HAPPY AND ENERGETIC AND YOU ONLY GET OUT OF LIFE WHAT YOU PUT IN SO I AM ALWAYS SO FUCKING HAPPY SEE MY RICTUS GRIN OF ENDLESS POSITIVITY I AM SO AWESOME!</div><div><br></div>It may come as no surprise to you that this doesn't work for me. I don't have bottomless supplies of energy, positive or otherwise. I'm not convinced they do either. Are they serious? I don't think anyone can maintain that stuff sincerely all the time. <div><br></div><div>My theory of these people is the same for those who are always serene, forgiving and calm; they're lying and one day someone will dig up their basements and discover the ugly truth and all those uplifting memes were just a smoke-screen.<div><br></div><div>Or maybe I'm just jealous.</div><div><br></div><div>Either way, although today I feel positive, I know that won't last and I'm quite happy being the emotional train wreck that I am. I don't have the energy to be anything else.</div><div><br></div><div><div style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-pcTA3VwVF2w/UkJ8uw7tDXI/AAAAAAAAA4g/JwIknJ7Rxu0/I/photo_394746.jpg" border="0" class="bloggoimg"></div><div><br></div><div style="text-align: center;"><font size="4"><b>DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS RELENTLESSLY POSITIVE?</b></font></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><font size="4"><b>DO YOU BELIEVE THEM?</b></font></div><div> <br></div></div>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-90363109480026202622013-09-21T14:33:00.001+10:002013-09-21T14:33:30.534+10:00Problogger and how to dilute the Awkward<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iERhipEipGk/Uj0YLPic5jI/AAAAAAAAA3A/H4lRa-dP8aA/s1600/dreamstime_s_14952804.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="326" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iERhipEipGk/Uj0YLPic5jI/AAAAAAAAA3A/H4lRa-dP8aA/s640/dreamstime_s_14952804.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Awkward - the elephant in the lobby of QT.<br /><b> </b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Image © <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/vicnt_info">Victor Zastol`skiy</a> | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime.com</a></span></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last week I attended the <a href="http://www.probloggerevents.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>2013 Problogger Training Event</b></a>, where 450 bloggers got together to learn more about their craft. Many bloggers more accomplished than I have written fabulous posts about their experiences. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So, in keeping with <a href="http://www.fivefrogsblog.com.au/2012/10/badly-behaved-cutlery-shark-penises-and.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>the tradition I started last year</b></a>, I won't be talking in-depth about the conference here. <span style="font-size: small;">In case you're curious, here are the messages</span> that resonated with me this year:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's OK to be multi-passionate</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">We should be wary of the trap that is accidental competency</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Instead of working on improving your weaknesses, work on making your strengths world-beating.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">With that out of the way, I want to talk about the elephant in the conference room. In fact I don't want to just talk about her, I want to pop a purple tutu on her, sprinkle some glitter on her tusks and parade her around the room to some particularly jarring circus music to make sure she catches your attention.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">This elephant's name is Awkward.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The blogging world considers itself a community; a happy, loving band of like-minded people who share a passion for getting their message across via words and pictures. We like to be seen as a cohesive group of good-natured, professionally-behaved, amiable folk.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I think this is bullshit. Bloggers are no more an amorphous homogenous mass than any other group of diverse and competitive human beings.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Sure, most bloggers share a camaraderie which is truly delightful and this is one of the reasons I go to these events. I've developed some solid, lasting friendships with my blogging friends. However, when you get 450 bloggers in one place it swiftly becomes apparent how different we all are. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">These differences can lead to discomfort. I love Problogger because I get to catch up with some fellow bloggers who I truly adore. You know who you are.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What happens, though, when bloggy relationships go south? How do you deal with having to see someone after your friendship has crashed in such a massive flaming wreck that it was visible for several miles and reported on the evening news?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Awk... ward. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Here are some handy tips on how to avoid Awkward at a blogging conference:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When you see the person
you want to avoid, rush up to them, give them a huge hug and plant a kiss on their cheek. Babble on brightly
as if the plane crash that was your friendship's demise never happened. This neatly transfers the Awkward from you to
them. Use this technique with care - they may call your bluff and return the Awkward by pashing you. This leaves you with nowhere to go unless you're prepared to sexually harass them. This could get ugly for everyone and lead to you both having to burn down your blogs and leave social media forever. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Challenge your nemesis to
a drinking contest at the cocktail event. The loser must burn down
their blog and leave social media forever. </span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Move around the conference in a small gaggle of people to always dilute the Awkward (450 people should do it).</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Don't sit next to your ex-friend accidentally. I can't stress this one enough. DO NOT ACCIDENTALLY SIT NEXT TO YOUR BLOGGING NEMESIS. Be alert at all times; particularly when sitting. Or standing. Or walking. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Slip something into your bloggy ex-friend's tea so that they spend the conference comatose in a corner. Alternatively, do the same to yourself. Don't do both; that would be expensive and wasteful over-achieving.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Don't go. This is a 100% fool-proof way to avoid Awkward. And everything else, for that matter.</span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The truth is out; bloggers don't all like each other. I hope these simple tips will mean you don't </span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">ever need to burn down your blog and leave social media forever, just because you forgot to dilute the Awkward.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span> </span><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Have you ever experienced </span></span></b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Awkward? <br />How did you deal with her?</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-63762162570534433302013-09-12T10:00:00.000+10:002013-09-12T10:00:02.458+10:00Problogger and lizards by the pool<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A5LNeU8yO1A/Ui6Q_uhRWOI/AAAAAAAAA2w/kT9Mc15CjNE/s1600/blogger-image-1501124948.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-A5LNeU8yO1A/Ui6Q_uhRWOI/AAAAAAAAA2w/kT9Mc15CjNE/s1600/blogger-image-1501124948.jpg" height="532" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">SLURP</span>
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<span style="color: #274e13;">
© </span><a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/Mathayward_info"><span style="color: #274e13;">Mathew Hayward</span></a><span style="color: #274e13;"> | </span><a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/"><span style="color: #274e13;">Dreamstime.com</span></a></center>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As this post publishes, I'm winging my way to the Gold Coast for <a href="http://www.probloggerevents.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Problogger 2013</b></a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So no posts from me for a few days. Keep in touch with me on <a href="http://twitter.com/FiveFrogsBlog" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Twitter </b></a>where
I'm sure I'll be tormenting you with photos of all the lovelies I
smooch at Problogger and the lizards I hang out with by the pool (not at
Problogger). You can follow the </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">#pbevent </span></span>hashtag on Twitter. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span>After Problogger, I'm going to plant my slimey green arse next to a pool and drink a large number of tall, cold, brightly-coloured glasses of fruit-based alcohol. There may even be tiny umbrellas and maraschino cherries.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you around the pool, Frog-Lovers.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-20994907366119357512013-09-10T08:41:00.001+10:002013-09-10T08:42:07.416+10:00Superannuated hedgehogs<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4r8vbSyXzuY/Ui5L85qngVI/AAAAAAAAA2U/iDVrWiQJ9xk/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4r8vbSyXzuY/Ui5L85qngVI/AAAAAAAAA2U/iDVrWiQJ9xk/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Good morning, Frog-Lovers, and welcome to Tuesday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">No post today - just a link and some hedgehogs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The next installment of my series on superannuation can be found <b><a href="http://gaynoralder.com/2013/09/09/a-no-bullshit-plan-for-taking-control-of-your-super-superhero-series-part-2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here </a></b>- please take a look.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Once you've sorted out your super, come back and look at a dog and a hedgehog.</span><br />
<br />
<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/kBAzEMLKTWU" width="420"></iframe></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Or maybe a pygmy hedgehog on a spoon? It's a canape that comes with its own toothpicks. Would he fit on a Jatz cracker?</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6MB29Dm94N4/Ui5Npikq01I/AAAAAAAAA2g/0qvc7WEk_UI/s1600/aph+on+a+table+spoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6MB29Dm94N4/Ui5Npikq01I/AAAAAAAAA2g/0qvc7WEk_UI/s1600/aph+on+a+table+spoon.jpg" height="400" width="286" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LOOK AT HIS GRUMPY ICKLE FACE!<br />
<a href="http://cherished-trinkets.blogspot.com.au/2009/10/are-these-just-cutest-thing-ever-pygmy.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Image</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm off to Problogger later this week. If you see me, come say hi (I'm not prickly like these little guys).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you around the pond, folks.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-8956896422286023452013-09-01T11:44:00.001+10:002013-09-01T11:45:11.138+10:00Gently Mental Podcast #1 - The PobjieCast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XWIM47Ttyjs/UiKa8sVrr6I/AAAAAAAAA2A/WWWvqNs89d8/s1600/Podcasts+from+the+pond.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-XWIM47Ttyjs/UiKa8sVrr6I/AAAAAAAAA2A/WWWvqNs89d8/s1600/Podcasts+from+the+pond.jpg" height="363" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hi there Frog-Lovers and welcome to my first Gently Mental podcast. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Please go have a listen to three minutes of froggy goodness where I give you my review of Ben Pobjie's most recent show and demonstrate how to forget to breathe while recording yourself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<a href="http://soundcloud.com/michaela-c-2/gently-mental-podcast-1/s-NcELz" style="background-color: white;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><i>http://soundcloud.com/<wbr></wbr>michaela-c-2/gently-mental-<wbr></wbr>podcast-1/s-NcELz</i></b></span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now that you've had a listen, click on the poster below to see the details for Ben's new show:</span><br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151893876208593&set=oa.1404233356460876&type=1&theater" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0PQbqQINfGY/UiKVIrCU47I/AAAAAAAAA1w/r4b2uFRN-X4/s1600/964627_10151893876208593_1101657124_o.jpg" height="400" width="282" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thanks for listening, Frog-Lovers. Please leave me a comment below to let me know what you think of my foray into froggy sounds. See you around the pond! </span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-33460930110076263702013-08-30T10:15:00.002+10:002013-08-30T10:16:17.235+10:00John Scalzi, jewel tones and Robin Thicke's suit<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wCG_EhL7ZrU/UcEeqemhGoI/AAAAAAAAAuk/sMBBhWCK7JU/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wCG_EhL7ZrU/UcEeqemhGoI/AAAAAAAAAuk/sMBBhWCK7JU/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Good morning Frog-Lovers, I hope you're all fabulous and enjoying a pleasant Spring(ish) Friday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">No blog post today - just some reflections on the week.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">First, I strongly advise you to go over <a href="http://whatever.scalzi.com/2013/08/26/to-the-dudebro-who-thinks-hes-insulting-me-by-calling-me-a-feminist/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>, to read author John Scalzi's hilarious take-down of an arsehole who thought to use one of John's photos against him. This piece brightened my week enormously and gave me serious out-loud chuckles. JEWEL TONES, MOTHERFUCKER.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Ahem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm over <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/humour/thank-you-for-the-twerk-miley-cyrus" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here </a>at the The Shake today, talking about the appalling stage appearance this week at the Video Music Awards; the vision that has rocked the entertainment industry. Yes, I'm talking about Robin Thicke's suit.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Finally, let me leave you with some disturbing cows.</span><br />
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<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/FavUpD_IjVY" width="560"></iframe><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span></center>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You're welcome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. See you around the pond.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-62963076371019177312013-08-21T18:36:00.000+10:002013-08-21T18:36:27.900+10:00Questions for Ben: What you can do to prevent the breakdown of society (plus chickens)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cN713eNcj7s/UhR16I-_JeI/AAAAAAAAA1c/nsUYZBP_Qbo/s1600/Ben.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cN713eNcj7s/UhR16I-_JeI/AAAAAAAAA1c/nsUYZBP_Qbo/s1600/Ben.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How could you not give this man a lousy dollar?<br /><a href="http://benpobjie.blogspot.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Image</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]--><i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Today I ask </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">the </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">author,
comedian, poet, and all-round hilarious dude, Ben Pobjie, </span></span></span></span></i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span>some questions (mainly about chickens)</span></span>. A big thank
you to Ben for agreeing to let me loose in his brain.</span></span></i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>You've started
your latest show, <b><a href="http://sa2.seatadvisor.com/sabo/servlets/TicketRequest;jsessionid=23F6B875F91BCC217493A5997E58728C?eventId=100639682&presenter=AUTBCT&venue=&event=&version=" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">An Evening of Unfettered Ben</a></b>, at the Butterfly Club in
Melbourne this week. The crucial question is; will there be butterflies?
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>No. I've been thoroughly fumigated. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>OK folks, you heard it here first. You can all go to the show (you're all going, right?) knowing you won't be bothered by any pesky Lemon Migrants or Purple Coppers. Ben, you're currently
raising money for your next MICF show - Trigger Warning. What can you tell us
about the show?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>It will be completely unapologetic, potentially disturbing
and reasonably audible. Do not come if you are likely to be offended by
anything whatsoever.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>Chicken, or beef?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben:</b> Chicken. C'mon. Beef? It's known as "poor man's
chicken". </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>Why did the
chicken?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>Pure bloody-mindedness. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>Speaking of chickens, you're funding
your next MICF show with the <b><a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/trigger-warning" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Give Ben A Dollar</a> </b>campaign. How's that going?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben:</b> People have been very generous except for those who haven't.
I ask you: if I asked you for a dollar to buy a packet of chips, wouldn't you
give it to me? So c'mon guys, why not to buy a packet of comedy? </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>Well then I ask you, if I gave you a
dollar today, what would you do with it?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>Flip it in the air in a rakish manner. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><b>Frog: </b>I'd pay to see that. On the subject of rakes, Tennant or Smith?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>Tennant. Unless the Smith in question is champion Melbourne
Storm hooker Cameron Smith, who is pretty great. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>What's the best
heckle (not written by you) that you've ever received at a gig?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>This is like asking me who is my favourite racist. The best
heckle is one that a person is intelligent enough to keep to themselves. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>Let's talk about favourites, then. House Stark, or House Lannister?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>To be friends with, or to stab an innocent person in the
face? Stark for the former. Stark again for the latter, since you couldn't even
trust a Lannister to stab the right person. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>If you could
invite anyone (living, dead, real, or fictional) over for dinner, who would it
be and why (I'm guessing neither Starks nor Lannisters are on the list)?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>Shaun Micallef. I would beg him for a job. </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>While you're waiting for Shaun Micallef to drop from the ceiling with a job, what's the most
persuasive reason you can think of why people should Give Ben a Dollar?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Ben: </b>Because human society is built on the principle of
reciprocal cooperation, and those who fail to assist their fellow man in his
time of need are risking a total breakdown of the community adhesion upon which
civilisation depends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Frog: </b>Shit, this comedy thing is serious. C'mon people, Give Ben a Dollar. We don't want to see civilisation fall for the lack of a little gold coin, do we?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Ben Pobjie writes for The Guardian, The Age, New Matilda and for his own blog, <a href="http://benpobjie.blogspot.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Ben Pobjie's Wonderful World of Objects</b></a>. You should all go like him on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/pobjiecomedian?fref=ts" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Facebook </b></a>and follow him on <a href="https://twitter.com/benpobjie" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Twitter</b></a>, and go see him at the Butterfly Club. Most of all, though, you should <a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/trigger-warning" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>give him a dollar</b></a>. For the sake of humanity.</i></span></div>
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<![endif]-->FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-1360761608681594192013-08-20T09:25:00.000+10:002013-08-20T09:26:03.626+10:00Where I am that isn't here<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JsTue1lhlKQ/Ucf8CJhWANI/AAAAAAAAAu8/oOzmPuBq6LE/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JsTue1lhlKQ/Ucf8CJhWANI/AAAAAAAAAu8/oOzmPuBq6LE/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Good morning, Frog-Lovers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm around today, in a few places that aren't the place that is here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Please read the next installment of my Super Heroes series on retirement finances here at <a href="http://gaynoralder.com/2013/08/18/a-no-bullshit-plan-for-taking-control-of-your-super-superhero-series/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>The Modern Woman's Survival Guide</b></a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">After that, a cup of tea and a lie down, best you click <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/humour/kittens-in-knitting-in-vegan-firefighter-shock-the-awful-truth-revealed/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a> for some shocking truths from me about kittens, knitting and vegan firefighters at <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/humour/kittens-in-knitting-in-vegan-firefighter-shock-the-awful-truth-revealed/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>The Shake</b></a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Coming soon:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A review of <a href="http://thebutterflyclub.com/shows.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>An Evening of Unfettered Ben</b></a></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Questions for Ben</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Other non-Ben-related things.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you around the pond, people. </span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-34246653298355542502013-08-13T12:06:00.000+10:002013-08-13T12:06:12.628+10:00Circumnavigating the whelm via a Slow Loris<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1IZnaTUfnFk/UgmSuU-DzlI/AAAAAAAAA1I/SIQcpoCkakk/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1IZnaTUfnFk/UgmSuU-DzlI/AAAAAAAAA1I/SIQcpoCkakk/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m feeling very overwhelmed today.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m FEELING ALL THE WHELM.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m working too much, writing too little, but not feeling
like writing at all.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I can’t afford the time for whelm. There’s work to prep for
and do, a family to care for, a cat to cuddle, fish to feed (shit did I feed
the fish?), a house to clean (yeah RIGHT).</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m feeling very pressured and out of control. I’m also
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I need to rest, but I can’t. I should shed some stuff, but I
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So for now, I’m just going to have to work out a way to move
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m going to be circumwhelmed.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So in support of my efforts to go AROUND the whelm, here is a
very sweet video of a Slow Loris eating a
rice ball.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>So tell me everyone, <br />how do you circumnavigate the whelm?</b></span></span></div>
FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-70146461662352447772013-08-11T05:30:00.000+10:002013-08-11T12:29:25.768+10:00Oh Sergeant Drake...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WA4NI2n1tSg/Uc-DZTR-bGI/AAAAAAAAAxE/lMso5zxOX0g/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WA4NI2n1tSg/Uc-DZTR-bGI/AAAAAAAAAxE/lMso5zxOX0g/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Happy Sunday everyone. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have a little something for any Game of Thrones or Ripper Street fans amongst you today. If you don't watch these shows GET THEM IN YOUR EYE SOCKETS STAT.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This may be old news to my UK friends, but I'd like you to watch this video.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/S_Qon-Udlhw" width="560"></iframe></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Does the main singer here look familiar?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hello Bronn. Hello Sergeant Bennet Drake. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The comment under the video is also priceless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now that I've blown your minds, I'll leave you to your weekend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See you around the pond, Frog-Lovers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-60262216749559658412013-08-10T11:36:00.000+10:002013-08-10T11:36:16.098+10:00Movement that moves us<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8Ch2EIa9z_0/UXIpj7x6duI/AAAAAAAAAos/kziawm62nEY/s1600/Frog+wide+white+with+blog+name+cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8Ch2EIa9z_0/UXIpj7x6duI/AAAAAAAAAos/kziawm62nEY/s400/Frog+wide+white+with+blog+name+cropped.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hello Frog-Lovers. Here's something that I came across this week in my wanderings around the pond...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I dare you not to be moved.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/FXowj1BHojs" width="560"></iframe></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See you around the pond!</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-18466721033714780202013-08-01T10:52:00.000+10:002013-08-01T10:52:48.701+10:00Maybe we're not all arseholes after all<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_I93c6TeagA/UdI2iuXy_tI/AAAAAAAAAxs/UXSYF7qJWaI/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_I93c6TeagA/UdI2iuXy_tI/AAAAAAAAAxs/UXSYF7qJWaI/s320/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Well it's been quite a couple of weeks, hasn't it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I've been despairing a lot, because it seems the world really is full of arseholes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then the wonderful <a href="http://www.theslackdaily.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Slackmistress </b></a>posted this into my social media eyeballs and made everything better.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" gt="" height="315" iframe="" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/G-KYUAHTwTo" width="420"></iframe></span></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I hope your legs are holding up this week.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you around the pond, frog-lovers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">x
</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-40980549299855300322013-07-24T09:00:00.002+10:002013-07-24T09:00:45.874+10:00It's all downhill from here...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JsTue1lhlKQ/Ucf8CJhWANI/AAAAAAAAAu8/oOzmPuBq6LE/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JsTue1lhlKQ/Ucf8CJhWANI/AAAAAAAAAu8/oOzmPuBq6LE/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" height="196" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's half-way through the week, which means it's all downhill from here. It also means it's time to watch a crafty raccoon stealing cat food.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Right?</span><br />
<br />
<center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/FTcjzaqL0pE" width="560"></iframe></span></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I hope you're having a successful week and nobody steals your cat food.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you around the pond, frog-lovers.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-77725048867062456892013-07-22T08:24:00.002+10:002013-07-22T08:24:56.695+10:00Depression is a lying little bastard - Part 2<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Today I give you the second part of Gaynor Alder's series on how she beat depression.<br />This post can also be seen at <a href="http://gaynoralder.com/2013/07/14/depression-is-a-lying-little-bastard-part-2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>MWSG</b></a>.</i></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Go <a href="http://www.fivefrogsblog.com.au/2013/04/depression-is-lying-little-bastard-part.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a> for Part 1 of the series. </i></span></span></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KNFlvQxzLOE/UeOCCb148OI/AAAAAAAAA0U/3Vno5fRu-G0/s1600/3048090836_3eb1265a76.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KNFlvQxzLOE/UeOCCb148OI/AAAAAAAAA0U/3Vno5fRu-G0/s400/3048090836_3eb1265a76.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gaynoralder.com/2013/07/14/depression-is-a-lying-little-bastard-part-2/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Image</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Depression in all its mind fuckery and trickery may have cloaked me
with its darkness, exhausted me with its relentlessness, and picked away
at my identity rendering me unrecognisable to myself, but underneath it
all, I knew everything it was telling me was bullshit. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yes, you depression. You’re full of shit. And I’m calling you on it.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Whilst at times it may have looked like I succumbed to you, as I
spent another day pinned down to my bed by your force, trying to climb
my way out from under the criticism, judgement, and torment you were
serving up for breakfast, compounding on the grief my heart was trying
to reconcile from all the other precious time you had already stolen
from me, there was something you could never take from me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">My hope.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">When you felt impenetratable and undefeatable, hope is what nursed
from me from one minute to the next, one hour to the next, one day to
the next. Hope that tomorrow would be better. Hope that one day it would
all be over. Hope that you would eventually become a distant memory.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And with that hope, was a desperate determination to not fall prey to
your lies. Your accusations. Your demeaning assassinations of my
character. Because depression, you don’t get to define who I am. No
depression, you’re not forever. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And, I’m here to say you can be
triumphed over.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">And I emerged from you stronger. Wiser. Better. And my spirit is
unstoppable. You’ve become something I look back on. Something I draw
strength from just knowing I lived through you. Something I have stepped
on top of to propel me further towards all those things my heart longed
for when you were holding my dreams hostage.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">With
it I carry a deeper gratitude for life. I see the beauty in simplicity.
Find great joy in small moments. An appreciation for waking up and just
feeling okay. And I thank you for that. Reminding me of what’s really
important and teaching me to pay homage to the beauty of the present
moment. A love for romancing the everyday.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Overcoming you was never going to be a battle of force against force,
or a change in my thought patterns, nor a matter of being strong
enough. You’re not a battle of wits, because you’re a scheister who
plays dirty. You’re an illness, not a mindset. You’re a flaw in
chemistry, not in character.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">What depression needs is gentleness. Care. Love. Kindness. Patience.
Support. Understanding. Not only from ourselves, but also from others.
Because we can’t do it on our own. And to find a safe passage through
your 3 ring circus, requires a crack team of friends, outside help and
medical professionals.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We need to call in reinforcements to help us find the courage and
strength to hold on, to endure you for yet another day, and to remind us
there’s a future beyond you, and it’s burning bright.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></span>
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In the next installment of this series, Gaynor Alder talks about
finding the right crack team, and why it took her so long to turn to
medication for help.</span></span></i><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Has depression given you a deeper understanding of life?</b></span></span><i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xIPECh3h1Gk/UXn6OyPyRyI/AAAAAAAAAro/9WwJamSdVHo/s1600/G+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xIPECh3h1Gk/UXn6OyPyRyI/AAAAAAAAAro/9WwJamSdVHo/s320/G+2.jpg" height="320" width="282" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="color: #222222; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>Gaynor
Alder is a Melbourne based writer with a penchant for vintage glamour
and all things Parisian. She is the Editor-in-Chief of The Modern
Woman's Survival Guide magazine and editor-at-large <a href="http://teenagesurvivalguide.com/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">Teenage Girl’s Survival Guide</a>,
gallivants around the world as a Travel Writer testing the thread count
of sheets and the fluffiness of hotel pillows and freelances in public
relations.</i></span></span> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i> </i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>She
started writing The Modern Woman’s Survival Guide, after the umpteenth
person told her, you know you should really write a book. Her fingers
struggled daily to keep up with the thoughts that desperately wanted to
become words on pages, to take centre stage in a book that she knew was
going to become the new voice of womankind. Her calling, her destiny,
her whatever you want to call it, Gaynor writes because she can’t not
write.</i></span></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; line-height: normal;">
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i>You can catch her being awesome here: </i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://www.gaynoralder.com/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.gaynoralder.com</a><br /><a href="http://www.teenagesurvivalguide.com/" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.teenagesurvivalguide.com</a><br />Facebook - <a href="http://www.facebook.com/mwsgmagazine" style="color: #1155cc;" target="_blank">www.facebook.com/mwsgmagazine</a><br />Twitter - @themodernwoman</i></span></span></div>
FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-38330255346302167672013-07-19T09:00:00.000+10:002013-07-20T15:09:53.910+10:00How much salmon can a bear bear?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eNCeVQUEzdQ/UeXe4Xfg78I/AAAAAAAAA0k/gyLX_kzv144/s1600/000573093.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eNCeVQUEzdQ/UeXe4Xfg78I/AAAAAAAAA0k/gyLX_kzv144/s400/000573093.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Happy Friday, frog-lovers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A little light stress-relief for you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Feeling anxious?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Go <a href="http://explore.org/#!/live-cams/player/brown-bear-salmon-cam-brooks-falls" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>watch a group of bears catch salmon in real-time</b></a>. (I'd embed the video but it won't let me).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br />
And if that hasn't relaxed you into a coma yet, try this video of a young guy raising a baby hummingbird:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/LvrcdQWzH-8" width="420"></iframe></span></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Is that something in your eye?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You're welcome.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you around the pond, frog-lovers.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-45995016600862409882013-07-17T09:43:00.001+10:002013-07-17T09:43:10.425+10:00A room full of nature nerds goes wild<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-foymrt50VL4/UeNICRLbQCI/AAAAAAAAAz4/gXG5AuazDDE/s1600/sda_email_975x423.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="275" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-foymrt50VL4/UeNICRLbQCI/AAAAAAAAAz4/gXG5AuazDDE/s640/sda_email_975x423.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.lateralevents.com/showcase/david-attenborough" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Image</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last Friday I achieved a life goal I never thought possible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I sat in the same room as one of my childhood idols. If you follow me on Twitter you'll know that I was <i>extremely </i>excited to be attending <a href="http://www.lateralevents.com/public-events/sda?gclid=CKaIrd6dsLgCFchcpgodygMAjA" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>Sir David Attenborough - A Life On Earth</b></a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I couldn't quite believe it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was going to see the man who was responsible for my fascination with nature and in particular, animals. He's been a major formative influence in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'd spent the afternoon working myself into a slowly building crescendo of tizz. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I dressed up. I put on makeup. I decided to drive into the city. I fretted about what time to leave.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I left ridiculously early.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I went to the wrong car park.*</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Once I finally got to the right car park I gulped down a sophisticated pre-show dinner.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2g6RB4VtXRo/UeNIGqzVLrI/AAAAAAAAA0E/shNlpFpJQpU/s1600/DA4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2g6RB4VtXRo/UeNIGqzVLrI/AAAAAAAAA0E/shNlpFpJQpU/s320/DA4.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I am all class.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W6B3ueuX_n8/UeNH_zXBn-I/AAAAAAAAAzw/jXuATy1SDak/s1600/DA.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W6B3ueuX_n8/UeNH_zXBn-I/AAAAAAAAAzw/jXuATy1SDak/s320/DA.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Blogger discovers that an iPhone camera makes an excellent mirror, <br />allowing her to touch up pointless makeup in the crappy Crown food court.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then I realised that I had no idea how to get to the Conference and Exhibition Centre on foot.**</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So naturally I walked in the wrong direction, my panic and stress reaching breath-stealing proportions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Finally! Found the right place. Queued and bought his autobiography - DEVASTATED that I hadn't queued early enough to get a signed copy.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IHeeoWO7XlQ/UeNIFDxQhWI/AAAAAAAAA0A/OixM0Z2cNYA/s1600/DA3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IHeeoWO7XlQ/UeNIFDxQhWI/AAAAAAAAA0A/OixM0Z2cNYA/s320/DA3.JPG" width="239" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Not a signed copy because LATE</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There was a real buzz in the Plenary, where an intriguing mixture of the very old, very young and hipsters in silly hats waited with a shared sense of excitement - we were about to see someone very, very special. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I tried to control my nerves. I wanted to be totally "present" to soak it all in.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Why
was I nervous? It was ridiculous. I wasn't going to <i>meet </i>him. He was about to come on stage in front of hundreds of people and he was probably
less nervous than I was.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://pinktreefrog.typepad.com/amphibianavenger/2012/05/how-not-to-meet-your-heros.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>This blog post</b></a> about meeting Attenborough </span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">by Lucy Cooke </span>was probably playing on my mind. Attenborough is my Jesus too. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The lights finally dimmed. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The man himself came on stage and a room full of nature nerds went wild with applause, whistles and there may even have been a small squee from this aging nature fangirl.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MAuTx-OOhys/UeNH_swpK3I/AAAAAAAAAzo/lA4QPHDJqeY/s1600/DA1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MAuTx-OOhys/UeNH_swpK3I/AAAAAAAAAzo/lA4QPHDJqeY/s400/DA1.JPG" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">A terrible photo but a fantastic night.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I've written a review of the night <a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/news-opinion/an-encounter-with-the-endangered-sir-david-attenborough/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>here at the Shake</b></a>. Please go have a gander, and if you get a chance, go see the man in person. You won't be disappointed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">* MCEC, the parking instructions on your website sucks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">** Crown, your signage sucks and your pedestrian precinct smells of excrement and vomit. </span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-65358868993264368372013-07-10T18:03:00.000+10:002013-07-10T18:03:03.140+10:00Mental nausea and a mixed metaphor about swans and snorkels <span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TiMP29ru-88/UdzqprskpAI/AAAAAAAAAzU/ENG8C0ELzzM/s1600/dreamstime_s_28764945.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TiMP29ru-88/UdzqprskpAI/AAAAAAAAAzU/ENG8C0ELzzM/s400/dreamstime_s_28764945.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Actual author appearance may vary</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">© <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/filizwatch_info">Murat Erhan Okcu</a> | <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">Dreamstime.com</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Speaking to groups of people must seem a pretty self-flaggelatory* way to earn a crust, for someone who battles anxiety and other types of mental nausea**. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I really love it. I just flick a switch in my brain and become a facilitator. I recognise how fortunate I am to be able to flick a mental switch in order to function on a professional level.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I remember an old boss being totally surprised - shocked - when I told him I'd been diagnosed with depression.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">"But you're always so smiling and happy!"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I wanted to yell at him that I was just pretending. I HAD to pretend, or I'd just not function at all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">When things get bad, I operate on the swan theory***.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm a swan a lot in the evenings. Evening is when most people are active on social media. I love Twitter for the conversations I have, the interesting stuff I watch and read.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's hard, though, to be social on demand. My Seasonal Affective Disroder (SAD) brings anxiety and
fibromyaglia flares to accompany the dying of the light every frigging night in winter.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There I am being social, LOLing and retweeting and generally being frivolous and silly while on the inside, I'm slowly losing my mind. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I start to feel that horrible, pervasive scratching of anxiety under my skin, a gradually tightening fist inside my chest. Time to get my swan on (no, not in a bizarre and frankly ill-advised Bjork dead-swan-tutu way WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last night was particularly bad. As evening arrived and my
serotonin levels dipped I was tweeting how bad I felt, while LOLing and
replying cheerily to other tweets. It occurred to me today how weird that would seem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">It's not that I'm not real while I'm relating normally on the outside and being screamingly mental on the inside. That IS the real me. The me that isn't screamingly mental, I mean. The me that's the swan, gliding on top of the water, gently mental, rather than the utterly batshit self-destructively crazy part of me that's paddling like mad (literally) under the water.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I think I need to be that swan. The screamingly mental me really needs the gently mental me to keep up those normal interactions, like a weird mental snorkel, keeping just above the crashing waves of mental vomit****. Now and then a few waves splosh over and I choke and cough but the snorkel always clears again with some sleep and a few cuddles.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So next time you see someone being witty and frivolous, while saying they're depressed or anxious, </span><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">don't say "Wow you always seem so HAPPY! I had NO IDEA you were mental".</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">J</span>ust know that they're trying their best to be a swan. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Oh and for fuck's sake, don't put your finger over the end of their snorkel or someone might DIE.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">OK?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">OK. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span>
<br />
<center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/6XP-f7wPM0A" width="560"></iframe></span></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My lovely friend Dayle Walker from <b><a href="http://www.simplyaware.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Simply Aware</a></b>
sent me this link, to Tina Turner singing a peace mantra. I recommend
it for any of you aspiring swans out there. My domain manager broke my
blog so I've listened to it eight times already today. So far.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Keep paddling like fuck. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">* I don't care if that's not a word, it should be.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">** Thank you <b><a href="http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CC4QFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fbenpobjie.blogspot.com%2F&ei=IOXcUc_aEouplQX64IGYBw&usg=AFQjCNFIfp81etnzyEbnd-HtL3zhD1wXGw&sig2=0exrBFbJrY4UTKpo0TX6Hg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Ben Pobjie</a> </b>for coining that phrase. Perfection.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">***
The swan theory is about gliding along the top of the water perfectly
calm, while under the water you're paddling like fuck. I would like to
state that this is absolutely the only way in which I resemble a swan. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">**** Now try to un-imagine that, now you've read it. You're welcome.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Do you have anxiety? <br />Are you able to be a swan?</span></span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-7668681709353265112013-07-08T08:32:00.001+10:002013-07-08T08:32:31.693+10:00A man is not a financial plan. Having no plan is ALSO not a financial plan.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_I93c6TeagA/UdI2iuXy_tI/AAAAAAAAAxs/UXSYF7qJWaI/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_I93c6TeagA/UdI2iuXy_tI/AAAAAAAAAxs/UXSYF7qJWaI/s400/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Are you a woman?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Do you want to live in poverty when you're older?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">No?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Then please read this. I'm over at <a href="http://gaynoralder.com/2013/07/08/poverty-in-retirement-a-man-is-not-a-financial-plan/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Modern Woman's Survival Guide</a> telling you to get your shit together. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Please read it and encourage other women to also. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you in the soup, frog-lovers. </span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-9500956473751167482013-07-04T08:12:00.000+10:002013-07-04T08:12:00.203+10:00Sexy zombies and sleepy animals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_I93c6TeagA/UdI2iuXy_tI/AAAAAAAAAxo/Tbfpz89fwio/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_I93c6TeagA/UdI2iuXy_tI/AAAAAAAAAxo/Tbfpz89fwio/s320/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Yes I've been tarting around elsewhere again this week. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Please do go read what Vlad thinks about all those annoying zombie fans <b><a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/humour/zombies-are-killing-the-undead-way-of-not-living/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">over here at The Shake.</a></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And now something to put a smile on your face on a Thursday morning... </span><br />
<br />
<center>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/VRgQaOOZRo4" width="560"></iframe></center>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you in the soup, frog-lovers.</span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-58527570002439153042013-06-30T11:11:00.004+10:002013-07-01T11:09:40.780+10:00I am not Michaelia Cash<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WA4NI2n1tSg/Uc-DZTR-bGI/AAAAAAAAAxA/j4BntLEB-OQ/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WA4NI2n1tSg/Uc-DZTR-bGI/AAAAAAAAAxA/j4BntLEB-OQ/s400/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Good morning everyone. Over here at the Lily Pad we're <strike>mourning celebrating </strike>surviving the start of the school holidays. So it's board games, boredom and tantrums ahoy.</span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Something weird happened this week. I went off-grid (because I'm cool and groovy and hip with all the latest digital terminology the young kids use) for two hours because I had to drive to the thriving metropolis of Colac. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As an aside, Colac was very nice to me although JEEBUS it was cold. Come on everyone, wave to Colac! Hi Colac!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In those two hours you changed your Prime Minister.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I mean, come ON. I look away for JUST A MOMENT and this is what happens.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Never. Going. Off. Grid. Again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Maybe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As a result, I spotted this particularly edifying speech by Coalition Senator Michaelia Cash, who is the Opposition Spokeswoman for Women (whatever that means):</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><iframe frameborder="0" height="365" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://video.news.com.au/embed/2394756401/Wong-accused-of-betraying-sisterhood?player=narrow" width="330"><p><a href="http://video.news.com.au/2394756401/Wong-accused-of-betraying-sisterhood">VIDEO: Wong accused of 'betraying sisterhood'</a></p>
</iframe></span></center>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">For Dog's sake, people, please know that, despite sharing similar names and I assume internal gentialia, this woman is NOT me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Look, here's Michaelia Cash:</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r91C3s7lwng/Uc-AM3zvWlI/AAAAAAAAAwU/kd8EOfrynlk/s650/556042-48739568-dfc3-11e2-a2a7-ba3b27a8768f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-r91C3s7lwng/Uc-AM3zvWlI/AAAAAAAAAwU/kd8EOfrynlk/s400/556042-48739568-dfc3-11e2-a2a7-ba3b27a8768f.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.news.com.au/national-news/federal-election/coalition-senator-michaelia-cash-attacks-penny-wong-for-betraying-julia-gillard-and-the-sisterhood/story-fnho52ip-1226671556145" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Scary image source</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">And now here's me:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zUeKXoYDGdg/Uc-BA7u8MfI/AAAAAAAAAwk/TPTbkBqdU0M/s640/photo1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zUeKXoYDGdg/Uc-BA7u8MfI/AAAAAAAAAwk/TPTbkBqdU0M/s320/photo1.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See? Nothing. Alike. (Plus I spell my name correctly).</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I hope that's cleared up this common but appalling misconception.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In way of apology for putting that hateful and ridiculous performance into your eyesockets and earballs, please bask in the majesty of the Aurora Australis, as it appeared in Geeveston, Tasmania, last night.</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5gqZZ_Y4V4I/UdDWXEoPR5I/AAAAAAAAAxY/Ej0Z2KVf2x0/s1000/IMG_0188.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="265" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5gqZZ_Y4V4I/UdDWXEoPR5I/AAAAAAAAAxY/Ej0Z2KVf2x0/s400/IMG_0188.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Gorgeous photo from <a href="http://huonphotography.kipaustralia.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Huon Photography</a></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you in the soup, frog-lovers. </span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-75605015860454191502013-06-24T18:08:00.000+10:002013-06-24T18:08:07.278+10:00Dramatic Pansy is dramatic (and other miracles)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JsTue1lhlKQ/Ucf8CJhWANI/AAAAAAAAAu4/VbTVb9dNNeU/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JsTue1lhlKQ/Ucf8CJhWANI/AAAAAAAAAu4/VbTVb9dNNeU/s400/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Hi kids. Thanks so much to everyone who's read my <a href="http://www.fivefrogsblog.com.au/2013/06/how-i-took-praying-mantis-to-mcdonalds.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>praying mantis travails</b> </a>and had a giggle at <b><a href="http://www.fivefrogsblog.com.au/2013/06/how-not-to-interview-guest-on-national.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Russell Brand</a>.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I'm busy again with other "work" but I'm around here and there. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If you look very carefully, you might spot random body parts belonging to The Frog <a href="http://noplaceforsheep.com/tag/convoy-of-cleavage/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a>. Apparently boobs are extremely controversial and, along with fun, should not be allowed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">You can also catch me having a dramatic <b><a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/uncategorized/where-did-my-compassionate-capitalist-democracy-go/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">whine about the state of Australian politics over at The Shake</a></b>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">For now I'll leave you with this week's miracle - the pansy my son bought me for Mother's Day died in suitably dramatic fashion in the frost two nights ago and then BEHOLD! It rose from the dead on the <strike>third </strike>second day! (Mainly because I brought it inside out of the bloody horrible weather we've been having).</span><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r1CybBZKiGU/Ucf9ZUAMjHI/AAAAAAAAAvI/CSRV3e6f8-M/s1600/pansy(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-r1CybBZKiGU/Ucf9ZUAMjHI/AAAAAAAAAvI/CSRV3e6f8-M/s400/pansy(1).JPG" width="340" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dramatic Pansy is dramatic</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CA2FfZKVDPg/Ucf9dlCWvMI/AAAAAAAAAvQ/v8XT7MShhRM/s1600/pansy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CA2FfZKVDPg/Ucf9dlCWvMI/AAAAAAAAAvQ/v8XT7MShhRM/s400/pansy.JPG" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a Monday miracle! Praise be to baby cheeses!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you in the soup, frog-lovers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-32198921138534367042013-06-19T13:01:00.002+10:002013-06-19T13:01:43.520+10:00How (not) to interview a guest on national television<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wCG_EhL7ZrU/UcEeqemhGoI/AAAAAAAAAug/zOfv2l6I94s/s1600/grumpy_frog+notes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wCG_EhL7ZrU/UcEeqemhGoI/AAAAAAAAAug/zOfv2l6I94s/s400/grumpy_frog+notes.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Hi folks. Today I'm working on boring non-bloggy-type stuff but I'm also writing some HILAIRE stuff for <b><a href="http://www.theshake.com.au/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">The Shake</a></b>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">In the meantime, I give you some awesome from Russell Brand, <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sj6JdXvsWYM" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">taking down some idiotic morning television hosts in the US</a>. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Oh America. Any more conservative and you'd suck yourself up your own arse. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If you're pushed for time, watch from 5 mins onwards. Rabbits. Headlights. Perfection.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">See you in the soup, frog-lovers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2351362401051098452.post-82001019814791172662013-06-17T14:39:00.002+10:002013-06-24T17:50:01.629+10:00How I took a praying mantis to McDonalds (nature is an arsehole but humans are worse)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-umFtLJJGG6c/Ub6P3o_C6HI/AAAAAAAAAuA/I-FA7TBMuvI/s1600/mantis2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wJcmb5d5imc/Ub6QHplkYDI/AAAAAAAAAuI/ULsKRJpiUhA/s1600/mantis.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="286" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wJcmb5d5imc/Ub6QHplkYDI/AAAAAAAAAuI/ULsKRJpiUhA/s400/mantis.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nawwwwww such a cutie! But keep away from my fries, OK?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Last week I took a praying mantis to
McDonalds. It was a female False Garden Mantid and I took her there by
mistake, but it’s not the first time I’ve taken insects to random places.</span> </span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I remember having one of those plastic bug catcher
toys as a child, a book on Australian insects and an insatiable curiosity.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Oh and a magnifying glass. Sorry, ants. I was
an arsehole.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">The praying mantis was a personal fave.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">My long-suffering mother would ask, “You haven’t
brought any creatures home today in your school bag, have you?”</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">“No mum.”</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">At that moment there was a more than 70% chance
that in my bedroom was a 15 centimetre-long brown mantis swaying gracefully, tilting
its weird triangular head from side to side, wondering how the fuck it had ended
up on the bed of a small child in the suburbs of our nation’s capital.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There were also the countless tadpoles and frogs.
Butterflies. Grasshoppers. Spiders. Snails.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">All judiciously caught and brought into the house
to be “looked after”. More often than not this served as a euphemism for being stared
at for an hour, forgotten and allowed to run riot around the house. </span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Do you know how small a newly hatched praying mantis
is? I do. The little nest I’d lovingly installed in my bug catcher broke open, spewing
tiny, perfectly-formed mantis babies out through its holes, along the mantel
piece to dubious freedom. We were finding miniscule mantis kids all over the lounge
room for weeks.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">“Watch out mum, there’s a mantis on your chair!”</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">(Deep sigh). “Of course there is.”</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">There I was last week, some 37-or-so years
later, pulling out of the McDonalds drive-thru. I looked up and found my gaze unexpectedly
caught in the steely triangular glare of two beady little green eyes. </span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BjyTDeRWuNs/Ub6QJITZqzI/AAAAAAAAAuU/faO9u7ZTUVs/s1600/mantis2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="392" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BjyTDeRWuNs/Ub6QJITZqzI/AAAAAAAAAuU/faO9u7ZTUVs/s400/mantis2.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look at her ickle face! LOOK AT IT!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What the fuck?</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Yes, there she was, a little green mantis,
sitting on my car bonnet LOOKING STRAIGHT AT ME. Like the next wave in hood
ornaments for the uber-environmentally-friendly motorist. </span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Except her look was anything but happy.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Her look said “How could you leave me on that
basil plant? How can you expect me to survive on a diet of grasshoppers and
aphids AND WHERE ARE MY FRIES, BITCH!?”</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I was temporarily stumped. What to do?</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">If I drove off and she was blown away not only
would she smash into the windscreen, breaking her exoskeleton and my heart, but
she would also never get her fries.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">So I did what any person in my situation would
do.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I slowed down to 30 kilometres an hour, turned
my hazard lights on, and inched home slowly in the left lane so that my praying
mantis wouldn’t get blown away.*</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I then took photos of her and tweeted about
our little jaunt, before lovingly popping her back onto her basil plant. And
not once did she bite me, despite me not sharing my fries with her because I
love nature and all but come on, there are limits.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">As a child, what I liked about creatures was that
if you piss one off they’ll run away, bite or sting you. Nothing much has changed.
</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Nature is an arsehole, but at least it’s
honest about it.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Unlike humans.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">What a couple of fucked-up weeks we’ve had. Politics here has reduced itself to tales of men in threateningly blue
ties, threats that an LNP government will interfere with our collective
uterus, questions about the PM’s partner’s sexuality, and accusations that the
leader of our country has breasts.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">How very dare they.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Humans really are arseholes.</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">I’m always rescuing creatures that could bite or sting me and
releasing them while those around me are screeching “Kill it! Kill it!”</span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">They may have a point, but frankly I find humans
far more vicious. So I’m off to find a small animal to take on a trip to the post box. </span></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">* Yes I know they have wings and she could
have flown away SHUT UP.</span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MXDoXhha7_c/Ub6Py-vtZNI/AAAAAAAAAt0/AlIw0JGZfW8/s1600/minecraft+mantis.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="283" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MXDoXhha7_c/Ub6Py-vtZNI/AAAAAAAAAt0/AlIw0JGZfW8/s320/minecraft+mantis.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My son found the photo and created a Minecraft/Praying Mantis mashup.<br />
You're welcome.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="vertical-align: baseline;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Have you ever taken part of nature somewhere
random by accident?</span></b></span></div>
FiveFrogsBloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10426017393667935109noreply@blogger.com13